Happy or not....???

I feel that I am facing a time where uncertainty overwhelms me whenever it can. I have been doubting almost everything that is true in my life now.... When I am happy.... I doubt that I am really that happy.... Why is this so.... Maybe I am just too tired and sick of my current life.... I feel that I am not satisfied with what I have now and dream that I have more and believe that I can achieve more.... I need change in my life and therefore I am going to change.....
I changed my hairstyle.... i mean from one side to the other..... I dyed my hair.... with karen's help.... and the color still looks black..... should get another color.... I want to change the way I dress... but the wind in Newcastle will not allow it because it is still freaking cold outside.... I want to be different....
oh ya.... I started to do things without planning.... like.... going down to Leeds/Bradford last saturday.... I just decided to go in the morning and ask yishan and sharon and karen... and then we all went.... wat a bunch of crazy girls right.... it was fun, dull, exiciting and tiring at the same time.... My secret lover...hehe....just joking.... friend in Bradford, Chong Yit.... scared Sharon till death when he said.... Sharon so cute a... I like.... hehe..... guess he is really into her.... well the other guys in Bradford (Hansen and Theng Hao) also seem interested in her....bet they are just waiting for a single girl to come along....hehehe..... desperate engineering guys.....
having problems with a lot of things now..... emotionally, mentally, physically and anything-ally... hehe.... I have this feeling that no one will understand this post of mind since I am being so random here..... I dunno.... I am just typing anything that comes into my mind.... welll... not everything.... since I have a lot of secrets.... haha.... like my secret lovers and secret admirers and secret stuffs....
OMG.... I can't even understand myself now..... headache coming already.... I need my mum.... I need to talk to her..... bout anything at all..... I guess it is because i don't have a person to tell everything when I reach home that I am feeling so random now.... cause back in M'sia I normally tell my mum everything once I reach home from school or work..... Now.... I can only talk to Muachi, Scrapy and Yuan yuan(My dolls... if u din noe...) which will never give me a answer.... unless i imitate their voice and talk to myself... which is something I regard as RETARDED and I still do.... this make me sound like I am always talking to myself..... which I guess I am always doing....
alright.... I am feeling hungry and I have class in another 30 minutes..... i need to eat.... or should I.... I am a bit fat.... well.... a little more maybe..... fine.... I am fat..... and I opt to eat.... I won't want to die of hunger..... maybe I should get a purple dye from Superdrugs or Boots later..... or maybe Blonde.... which is so not me..... alright.... really think i need to go before i flood this post with other more random thoughts....
oh ya.... I am planning to watch the musical Chicago in Bradford... that is a so must see.... guess I will be quite busy..... hopefully you are not freaking out because of this post..... just ignore it if you are in quite some shit yourself as this will definitely make it worst....
hmmm.... I was debating whether to mention this but I just can't see why not since my bf does not read my blog..... I feel that I will never be satisfied with only one man in my whole life.... so.... I am planning on getting a second bf..... hehe....behind his back.... or maybe more.... who knows... Any candidates?....hehe..... should I stop now cause my tummy is growling for food.....
guess I should..... take care to those who read my blog.... I am sure you will be as confuse as I am.... and mayb u might develop a headache which I am having now..... and uncomfortable arms and shoulders... due to long term typing... oh...that should be me only.....Alright... i am officially out of my mind now..... bye bye.....