The unknown 'me'

There is an unknown 'me' in everyone. A special someone that is still a part of me yet we ourselves don't think it existed. It might be a courageous person, a selfless person or even a person who can change someone's life. It might also be a selfish, mean person that only thinks about himself. I don't know what is hidden in me that might appear in certain circumstances. It is through going through the different stages in life that I actually learn that I can be more than what I see of myself at the moment. Maybe it is through all these events that we go through that we learn to unleash the unknown 'me' in us and hopefully embrace it for the better us in the future ( if it is a good trait that is). Everyone has a side that they keep from other people, they might be embarrassed or might think of it as unacceptable to others, that's why it is kept from others. Though being true to oneself, even if it means exposing your most embarrassing side, allows one to live without the fear of others looking differently at one, many choose to keep to themselves what they themselves deem unacceptable by others. Just like a cross-dresser will not want others to know that the luggage bag underneath their bed is full of clothes that fit others better, one will not like people to know that inside them is not what others perceived of them on the outside. If by any means you come across the unknown 'me' of other people, try not to expose them so directly. One might not easily accept their unknown self or accept others knowing about themselves, it will only lead to unhappiness. Hopefully, I will learn not to do that myself.

Looking forward

Losing out in something doesn't mean you lose everything, it means that it is time for you to look forward to something even better.
Don't sulk over something you lost, laugh over something that will eventually come to you.
I am learning to look forward. It doesn't mean looking forward for something, but it means moving on and leaving the past behind.
When I finally learn to let go of the past that haunts me, I will truly look forward to the laughers that I will have in the future.

My fault?

Haven't been able to sleep for the past 4 nights, don't know is it the jet lag or is it there is too much on my mind. Maybe both.
I got angry at my friend for getting into a relationship with someone that I don't really like. It's not that I don't like her, just that I don't have think much about her which make her not on my like list.
Mainly, I got angry because I like him, and I felt that I lost him. I was angry at both him and myself. I knew we were just friends but I chose to think more of it, when this matter came to light, I lose control of my thoughts and couldn't control thinking the worst of everything.
I got angry because he just told me he did let go of the girl he liked a day ago and the next he was with another. I felt that he lied to me.
But deep down I did knew he liked the other as well, just that I don't want to believe it, and maybe I wasn't always favoring her that even when he knew he liked the other, he can't bring himself to tell me the truth.
I agree that I was sad and angry and confused at the same time when we talked, leading to some comments that wasnt supposed to be said being uttered. But, I don't see why the fault is all mine. Even if he didn't like me, we are still friends, he being not as honest as I thought hurt me and I have a right to be angry. And he being so easily in love with someone after deciding not liking another also gets me angry. So I can't say it's all my fault.
I wasn't able to speak to him as I did before when I saw him at first, I knew I can't do it easily but I did still like us to be friends. So, I talked to him on Wednesday, telling him that I am able to accept him being with the girl, but I still wouldn't bring myself to like her even when she is with him. I did tried to like her for a year now, if I can't, it means that it's not gonna happen.
I thought we did be better today, but somehow I feel that he is angry at me for saying that and thus was trying to stay away from me for the day.
Is it my fault that our friendship has to come to this kind of condition? I know I don't take changes well, but I did try to accept it as soon as possible with a few days of emo. I don't really know how to hide my emotions even up till now. Guess I am just too childish for the adult way of dealing with emotions. But, I did sincerely hope that we could still be friends.

Trying to be strong

Guess the title tells it all.
I am just trying to be strong, it's hard and I know I am not cut for it, but I will try.
I lost my ability to cry when I choose to be strong, yet I know that it is the only way for me to be stronger then before.
So, even when you want to be strong,for all the reasons you think it's right, cry.
You will feel much better and stronger after that.
So, just cy.