Decisions

I was wondering whether I should post this or not for a few days now and decided that it's a part of my life that I want to remember.
Firstly, it's about my job and my future. I couldn't make up a decision on whether I should stay in my own field (science) or further into other fields of work ( mainly business), or should I just stay put until I have decided. I keep saying that I want to continue studying but I know I am just lying to myself. I don't really want to study, I just want to stay away from responsibilities and life, away from making a decision that will definitely change my life. Saying that I am too young is an excuse because I am not, I am just pampered and afraid of taking on responsibilities. I know that but I just don't want to face it. Time to grow up and actually take things into my own hand. Promise myself this is the last year I am going to be pampered.
Secondly, its about my love life. I know that I can't stop thinking about him, does that makes me interested/ in love with him? Yes, I am interested in him. But I am just going to let the feeling slide and leave me soon (hopefully). He is a very close friend since we can talk to each other about everything. He is thinking about another person A and there is a person B who is deeply in love with him. If A doesn't accept him, he is going to accept B. There isn't a place for me to play in this relationship. But, I still can't stop thinking about him. And since we are such good friends, I told him about how I felt and he told me how he felt about it - I thought so, but we are too different and thus I never really thought about us being together and there is someone on my mind. I knew he was going to say that but still I needed to hear it from him and thus got the answer I want. I made a decision to continue being good friends with him since the first time I said it and after I blurted it out the second time (cause I drank), I came to the same decision. Because I want this friend more than I want a boyfriend. Though it hurts, I will still hold on to this decision. Hope I have the will power to keep me from losing my cool.
Thirdly, its on the person I am. I always thought that I can do a lot for the people I love and care for. But, I found out that I am just a selfish person who loves myself more than any other person. I did everything to make myself feel good about myself and to fulfill whatever needs I have. Thus, I conclude that the person I love most is myself despite anything I seem to do for others. I hate myself when I learnt this fact. But I guess it's just me. So if you do find me being selfish, know that it's just me and that deep down I am trying to tune the love for myself down. It won't happen so fast but hopefully it will.

Just some thoughts that I penned down because I want myself to remember the things that went through my mind before and hopefully when I read it in the future, I will be a better person that understands why I made the decisions I make.